At DogSpeak, we don’t believe in dominating your dog when training. We believe you should act as your dog’s upper management and your dog’s tour guide (because you have more knowledge and experience related to this world). To build a relationship with your dog, you must focus on the four pillars of training which are communication, understanding, empathy, and patience.
Communication is the most crucial part of a relationship. Without a clear pathway for communication, a relationship can’t be built. Communication goes both ways. You may communicate using commands, but you also communicate using body language. Body language is a dog’s primary language. Because of this, dogs are acutely aware of the changes in your mood. When you learn how dogs communicate with their body, you can then understand more about your dog’s emotions, desires, and needs. This allows the dog to trust that when they are feeling nervous or scared in a situation, you will recognize it and help them navigate to safety. We have a wonderful online course filled with videos on how dogs use body language to avoid conflict and communicate with you. You can check it out here.
Understanding that your dog may struggle with the life you have given them is a crucial step in relationship building. If you have a Border Collie in an apartment, you will probably have issues with excessive barking due to the level of noise. Your dog isn’t suffering from a “behavior problem” but an issue stemming from his genetics. Border Collies are herding dogs which oversee bringing structure to chaos. When your BC hears activity, aka chaos, they are genetically going to feel the need to control it. However, they are limited to how they can control the environment, so you get barking due to the frustration. Punishing your dog for this behavior is punishing your dog for being who he is naturally. If you understand him, you can find ways to meet his genetic needs through other outlets which will significantly decrease the barking in the apartment.
Many owners find their dogs to be fearful of the silliest (in their minds) things, such as a trash can on their daily walk that has appeared out of nowhere. I have seen owners ridicule their dog and force them to walk past the object, even though the dog is attempting to move away. By not having empathy and not validating their feelings, we are communicating that we don’t care, which in turn will cause you to lose trust with your dog. The next time you try to tell them that something is “okay” they will likely not believe you.
Patience is something most of humanity can use more of, including myself. As a society, we wait for nothing. We want food within a minute, information downloaded within seconds, and products delivered within the hour. However, our dogs don’t understand that mentality and often choose to enjoy the moment they are in. Society has somehow placed this schedule on dog ownership and when owners feel they are not on schedule, they lose their patience and take it out on their dog. Here is a what many humans feel is a realistic timeline for their dog’s development:
- 8 weeks: puppy comes home, and we begin teaching puppy manners.
- 12 weeks: puppy is housebroken.
- 16 weeks: puppy has all shots so now can be taken out in public to do public things.
- 6 months: puppy should be old enough to not chew on inappropriate items.
- 8 months: puppy should know the sound of the neighbor’s car door by now and not be barking every time she comes home.
- 12 months: puppy is an adult and should be acting like one.
- 24 months: this dog should know how to act in every situation and do exactly as I tell them, no matter what.
While it is good to use your dog’s age as a guideline for expectations, not all dogs will fit into the timeline above. It is important to note your dog’s individual needs and development. Also evaluate how clearly you’ve been communicating expectations to your dog.
There are many dogs that are not housebroken in 12 weeks. Willow is 4 months, and she is just now consistently asking to go out and potty on her own. Now that many people work from home, the average time it takes to housebreak a dog is longer. This is due to dogs having less sleep time and isolation. What Willow can do is walk nicely on a leash in public, without the use of tools. Does that make her better than another dog at 4 months? No, it makes her an individual.
I encourage you to focus on the four pillars outlined above when developing a relationship with your dog. Using these will make it much easier to teach your dog the necessary skills to navigate his world.